at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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