guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
