Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
