they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
