hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize