You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize