Capitaan dildo arrescate!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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