none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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