You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Maybe he injected his testicle?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize