the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
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she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
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It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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