I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
