In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
