dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
