I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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