at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
