I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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