Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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