i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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