Got a toothbrush?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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