Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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