i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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