Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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