we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
