Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
