white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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