She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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