I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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