you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
