are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
