I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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