god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
