would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize