seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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