forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
