it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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