So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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