Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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