sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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