I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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