he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
