How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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