all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She said her name was "party"
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
