Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
