I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
