if you like me you must not know who I am
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
