He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
