Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
