you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
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So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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