He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We need to get me chipped asap
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
