Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
