I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
