How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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