thus making me awesome and them whores
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
