I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
