Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
