I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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