Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
