all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
