so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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